Guacamelee Review

Professional wrestling and myself go way back. I still have fond memories of watching big, hairy, sweaty, muscular men jumping on each other and trying their best to show who was the bottom bitch. 

Sure is getting hot in here...

However, I was more partial towards Mexican wrestling, not only due to the lack of overblown dramatics, but also due to the emphasis of the wrestlers themselves being treated as larger than life legends. Queue Guacamelee, a game developed by Drinkbox Studios for the Playstation 3. I'd be lying if I said that the premise alone, that of an everyman becoming a masked luchador to save his kidnapped girlfriend from an evil hellbent on world domination, made me cream my pants if only because the words “masked luchador” were in that sentence. So naturally it must suck, right? Well, if you went into this expecting a deep and complex epic of a tale then of course. But then again, we don't play Mario for the story.

A Shakespearean masterpiece!!

In all seriousness, Guacamelee serves as a fun little mix of old-school arcade brawling mixed together with Metroidvania-style exploration. And you know what, it works suprisingly-well. When it comes to using your moves to explore new areas while simultaneously laying the smackdown on any skeletons, chupacabras or demonic cacti that come your way.

Kinda like this

Honestly, the gameplay works just fine. It never gets frustrating enough to the point were I wanted to ragequit and the areas and environmental puzzles were all designed in such a way that made me want to keep playing to just to see the new environments. Furthermore, the environments were all incredibly well-designed with references to Mexican culture and the use of switching between the land of the living and the land of the dead works excellently to further showcase the variety and creativity of the puzzles.

All that being said, the game has one major flaw that I feel goes unaddressed by just about anyone who's played it, and that would be this game's goddamn obsession with internet memes. Mentlegen, o rly, and grumpy cat are all given mention whether they're given context or not. It's all rather jarring and screams of a lack of any good jokes, whether this was intentional or not. References to Cantinflas would have made more damn sense.

Seriously, you had access to THIS and memes were the best you could come up with?

I'm really just nitpicking at this point. In an age where brown and grey have become the industry standard and linearity has become an industry standard, I'm not ashamed to say that I had a lot of fun with Guacamelee. The game works and with a vibrant atmosphere and memorable soundtrack it makes for a fun and cheap experience. Seriously, why the fuck are you reading this. Go out and buy this now.

Just give us less references to THIS!

Humor in Video Games (and why it sucks)...

Video Game Humor (And why it sucks)

This has been a subject that I've been thinking about covering for some time now. I was originally planning on saving it until after my Guacamelee review, but after having played Scott Pilgrim extensively, I could hold it in no longer. Video game humor is in a bad place right now, and as long as writers keep relying on references as opposed to using their actual fucking brains, I don't foresee there being much more of a future in this damn industry.

Seriously, enough of this shit.

I first noticed this while I was playing Banjo-Tooie which I had just so happened to have finished at around the same time as Guacamelee, and while it did feature endless shout-outs to other Rare games, it was never done in a way that seemed pandering or idiotic. They served merely as cute little asides, as opposed to signs that the writers are a bunch of internet obsessed retards that wouldn't know funny if it rubbed its balls in their face.

Going back to Guacamelee, when I first heard about this game, I was initially excited because I couldn't wait to see what they would do with the endless possibilities in the humor that could come as a result of the setting and it's history, even if most of it would be tacos and wrestling.

Maybe that's going a bit far, but it's a start.

Instead, we got an endless supply of internet memes. When grumpy cat in a sombrero is the best you can do in terms of a joke, that's when problems start to rise. After awhile, seeing refrences to Megaman, Legend of Zelda, Castle Crashers, and the O RLY owl, I was beginning to wonder whether these were sincere shout-outs or no one at Drinkbox Studios can come up with any jokes. As a result, I began to wonder which of the humor was genuine and which of it was capable of falling under plagiarism. Other games do this as well: Scott Pilgrim vs the World; Borderlands; Duke Nukem Forever; Jetpack Joyride; just to name a few. It's gotten to the point where it's not even cute anymore and makes me feel like all of the creators are a bunch of monkeys that browse 4chan in hopes of finding funny images.

A hive of scum and villainy

As a result, it all feels dated and out of place, lacking any form of cohesion to the overall setting and narrative.

This made me take a look at other games, I thought were funny or at the very least funnier than what I mentioned. What I came up with, were a variety of games that used different techniques to get their jokes across. One of the best examples was Portal 2, and the “cake is a lie” is not one of these. In all honesty, most of the humor of the game comes from being trapped with a psychotic individual that wants you dead all the while passively aggressively threatening you.

Funny and Dangerous

Another excellent example is Paper Mario 2, a simpler title that instead relied on the ridiculousness of the situations you were placed under and exaggerated the character's dialogue and actions based around it.

Then there's this idiot

As pictured above, Lord Crump is an excellent example of this game's humor. In all essence, he's an incompetent jackass with little to no understanding of the depth of the situation and has a tendency to make things worse. It doesn't make him any less threatening, however, as he proves constantly that he is a major danger to Mario and his allies by stealing away the Crystal Stars and standing up to Bowser of all people. Yet his ridiculous appearance and manner of speaking create someone that is hard to be taken seriously, adding to the games humor.

Finally, the one game I feel did humor perfectly on all accounts was Psychonauts. What I love the most about this little title is that it uses the same humor as shows like The Amazing World of Gumball and Regular Show: taking abnormal characters and placing them in normal situations, in this case being a summer camp for psychics. You get characters with recognizable traits (foreign-exchange kid, preppy kid, the bully, bully's sidekick, etc.) but they're all given even more varied quirks with the addition of the setting and overall wackiness of the plot.

Humor is not an easy thing to write. My attempts at humor have been lukewarm in the past and I commend anyone that can successfully write humor of any kind. That being said, please developers, put some actual fucking effort into your writing. I know that making obscure references to popular culture is both easy and entertaining, but it's not what keeps a game's humor lasting and appealing. Just remember that with wit, you'll keep us laughing forever, but with references, it'll get old after five minutes.

Think the difference between this,

And this shit...

Banjo-Tooie review

Banjo-Tooie review

If my Uncharted review taught me anything, it's that bashing a game that is considered a classic or perfect in every way shape or form by the masses will always earn you an uncharacteristically large amount of hate. At least that's how I felt while I was in the middle of playing of Banjo-Tooie. I never had a chance to play either one of them growing up because it was at a time when we were relying on chump change to feed a family of four, but I did finally come around to playing them in more recent years. Banjo-kazooie still holds up incredibly well today, even despite the graphics which haven't really aged all that well. The controls are tight and intuitive, the puzzles are fiendishly clever, and the writing is actually pretty funny giving us actual wit and depth as opposed to tired internet memes and pop culture references.

Plus one of the best damn villains evah!!!

So naturally this was a hit, coming out in a day and age where companies could afford to produce games relying on simple creativity and humor as opposed to some bombastic set pieces that didn't really amaze you much. Thus, a sequel followed, with the only question being, was it any good. Short answer: yes. Long anwser: it's still beaten by the original in every aspect.

Now, before you get your knickers in a bunch about how some fat guy on the internet is telling you that your childhood was a lie, let me remind you that the gameplay, writing, and creativity are all still here, if not better executed. However, there is one major problem with this game and that's a little something called “scale”. Or simply put, bigger is NOT always better!

Here's your proof, now shut up.

Now to be fair, the first notable difference should be that everything is bigger. However, the whole game world has had to accomodate to the new design style and as a result, it's much less focused. The first game had you in an enclosed area with a deranged lunatic constantly threatening both you and your advancement as you progress. Banjo-Tooie, on the other hand, has none of that. It still has the foreboding music that you hear as you progress from area to area in the hub world, but some of the fun of hearing Gruntilda's taunts are sorely missed.

This is offset by the new gameplay features giving you different ways to go about the levels themselves which drastically went from a more structured design to one that can best be described as “Metroidvania without a map”. The levels are interconnected, placing more emphasis on your learnt abilities as opposed to the constant collectibles from the first game, though it unfortunately doesn't alleviate the same fucking late game fetch quest problem the first game had. As a result though, it can get quite frustrating when your not sure if you should focus on trying to get a new ability or trying to get that jiggie that you can't pick up until after you've beaten the penultimate level. This never ended up being a buzzkill for me and I would often just want to keep going as a result and find myself having spent several hours just playing the game to see what new piece of batshit would come in. Speaking of which, the transformation mechanic returns from the first game though one in particular made me wonder if the ideas bucket was running so low that the developers started looking outside for inspiration.

Finally, there are the mini-games and the bosses. With the exception of the last one, most of the bosses in the game are pushovers and don't really take much effort to defeat. Not only that, but most of them are pretty forgettable.

Could put up a better fight.

Then there are the mini-games. Oh my fucking god, the mini-games. This is probably the weirdest part of the new additions, since the previous Banjo-Kazooie relied more on smart environmental puzzles and brilliant platforming. Here, the mini-games seem kinda random with little to do with the actual overall skills of the player.

Not to mention it gave us this bitch.

Furthermore, the inclusion of first-person shooter sections styled after Goldeneye seem really out of place. Granted they conrol well, but one has to ask why they felt the need to include them at all. They feel out of place, like if Red Dead Redemption added in platforming sections with a colorful cartoon backdrop.

Despite the past couple of paragraphs, I enjoyed Banjo-Tooie. The exploration, platforming, and charm all offer something you just don't get in games these days. My only question is why they felt the need to add in so many unnecessary additions to the point where it doesn't even feel like a Banjo-kazooie game.

On the left: Banjo-Tooie. On the right: Banjo-kazooie

Why Uncharted 2 is mediocre at best

Uncharted review follow-up

While playing Uncharted 2, I couldn't help but notice that the entire's game setup felt linear and rigid, like I was being dragged along by the nose to see all the pretty sights that the development studio had so heavily invested in. And the whole time, all I could think to myself was, “okay. This is fun. I guess”. All of the enjoyment seemed to be very bland and structured and it reminded me of those people who get upset if you touch anything in their house when you come to visit. The platforming felt very limited and structured and the gunplay was functional at best. Yet whenever I look up reviews about this game, I see it hailed as one of the darlings of this console generation. Why is that? Have we gotten so used to mediocrity that anything that is slightly above average is considered a masterpiece? As a whole, I feel like Uncharted 2 is mostly a weak third person action game with awkward platforming sections and uninspired puzzle sections.

Equipping it...now.

First of all, let's take the story, which I can best describe as some smug douche looking for treasure. I fail to see how that son-of-a-bitch Drake has any kind of charisma whatsoever. Honestly, he acts like that jock from high school who bullied you every day and then made off with your girlfriend. Not only that, a lot of his humor and comments come across as just overall uninteresting. There is almost nothing about him that I can vividly remember either liking or thinking, “golly, your awesome”. He just seemed so generic. The rest of the cast is like this too. It's like someone sat down, watched a bunch of action movies and decided that the best thing to do would be to is to take characters from here and there to fill up the game. Even Chloe, who I feel is the most likeable character, easily rolls over into the generic train. Not only that, but I was so tempted to call bullshit at the very end of the game for how contrived the game's ending felt. Furthermore, the way the story is presented does this game no favors. While I understand that cutscenes are now often used as a means to present a story, they feel like they were placed here deliberately to invoke the feel of a movie rather than a game. It's bogged down even further by it's incessant need to feel cinematic to the point of following a three-act structure. As a result, I felt like I hardly knew anything about Drake. He was uninteresting and shallow, having about as much personality as Gordon Freeman. He did things, but you could have just as easily put anyone else in his place and gotten the same job accomplished.

Sums him up fairly well.

Now, I'm sure many of you are thinking, “it's the gameplay that counts dur-hur.” Well, it would if it was any good. At best, Uncharted is a generic and dull cover-based shooter with some of the most awkward and forced jumping mechanics I've ever seen in a game. Simply put, the gunplay feels unsatisfying. While playing, I always dreaded the shooting sections which were often limited to waiting for enemies to poke their heads out or to some incredibly cramped corridors. As a result, I often found myself dying or throwing myself into the midst of battle because I felt that waiting like a duck for the next enemy to show his head was a fate worse than death. Even the guns themselves felt unsatisfying to use. None of them felt like they had a particularly satisfying punch to them. It was actually kind of sad that the most satisfying part of the gameplay was running up behind a guy and taking him out with a silent takedown. Speaking of which, the game has a few stealth sections which I can only define as retarded seeing as how the A.I. in these sections is pathetic.

The platforming is also another big weakness for the game that it just can't overcome. The main issue is how punishing it is for so much as deviating from the developer's main path. There were several times where I would try to jump to a specific location only to fall for my death because I didn't do what they wanted to do. This also extends to the puzzles, where you're given a notebook that straight-up tells you the solution, regardless of how difficult or simple they are. It all feels so patronizing, as if the developer were afraid of you breaking their precious toys that they feel the need to remove any sense of freedom. The worst part about it is that if you begin to take too long, Drake himself will tell you what to do and where to go.

This game's opinion of you in a nutshell.

Many will argue against me saying that the set pieces more than make up for th game's faults and to be honest, I have to disagree with them. They feel more like a cheap cop out as opposed to fully featured levels in an action game. This really has more to do with the games mechanics though, seeing as how a game is part level design and part gameplay. And if it falls in one area, it's only natural that it's either going to be greater as a result or be dragged down as a whole, and in this case it's the latter. In the end, what I say really doesn't matter though, because I know for a fact that people will love this game just because it looks pretty or because it's a fucking movie. At the end of the day, I guess some people would rather have a game that railroads them from one place to another as opposed to a carefully constructed experience that had some fucking thought put into it.

Which reminds me...