Banjo-Tooie review

Banjo-Tooie review

If my Uncharted review taught me anything, it's that bashing a game that is considered a classic or perfect in every way shape or form by the masses will always earn you an uncharacteristically large amount of hate. At least that's how I felt while I was in the middle of playing of Banjo-Tooie. I never had a chance to play either one of them growing up because it was at a time when we were relying on chump change to feed a family of four, but I did finally come around to playing them in more recent years. Banjo-kazooie still holds up incredibly well today, even despite the graphics which haven't really aged all that well. The controls are tight and intuitive, the puzzles are fiendishly clever, and the writing is actually pretty funny giving us actual wit and depth as opposed to tired internet memes and pop culture references.

Plus one of the best damn villains evah!!!

So naturally this was a hit, coming out in a day and age where companies could afford to produce games relying on simple creativity and humor as opposed to some bombastic set pieces that didn't really amaze you much. Thus, a sequel followed, with the only question being, was it any good. Short answer: yes. Long anwser: it's still beaten by the original in every aspect.

Now, before you get your knickers in a bunch about how some fat guy on the internet is telling you that your childhood was a lie, let me remind you that the gameplay, writing, and creativity are all still here, if not better executed. However, there is one major problem with this game and that's a little something called “scale”. Or simply put, bigger is NOT always better!

Here's your proof, now shut up.

Now to be fair, the first notable difference should be that everything is bigger. However, the whole game world has had to accomodate to the new design style and as a result, it's much less focused. The first game had you in an enclosed area with a deranged lunatic constantly threatening both you and your advancement as you progress. Banjo-Tooie, on the other hand, has none of that. It still has the foreboding music that you hear as you progress from area to area in the hub world, but some of the fun of hearing Gruntilda's taunts are sorely missed.

This is offset by the new gameplay features giving you different ways to go about the levels themselves which drastically went from a more structured design to one that can best be described as “Metroidvania without a map”. The levels are interconnected, placing more emphasis on your learnt abilities as opposed to the constant collectibles from the first game, though it unfortunately doesn't alleviate the same fucking late game fetch quest problem the first game had. As a result though, it can get quite frustrating when your not sure if you should focus on trying to get a new ability or trying to get that jiggie that you can't pick up until after you've beaten the penultimate level. This never ended up being a buzzkill for me and I would often just want to keep going as a result and find myself having spent several hours just playing the game to see what new piece of batshit would come in. Speaking of which, the transformation mechanic returns from the first game though one in particular made me wonder if the ideas bucket was running so low that the developers started looking outside for inspiration.

Finally, there are the mini-games and the bosses. With the exception of the last one, most of the bosses in the game are pushovers and don't really take much effort to defeat. Not only that, but most of them are pretty forgettable.

Could put up a better fight.

Then there are the mini-games. Oh my fucking god, the mini-games. This is probably the weirdest part of the new additions, since the previous Banjo-Kazooie relied more on smart environmental puzzles and brilliant platforming. Here, the mini-games seem kinda random with little to do with the actual overall skills of the player.

Not to mention it gave us this bitch.

Furthermore, the inclusion of first-person shooter sections styled after Goldeneye seem really out of place. Granted they conrol well, but one has to ask why they felt the need to include them at all. They feel out of place, like if Red Dead Redemption added in platforming sections with a colorful cartoon backdrop.

Despite the past couple of paragraphs, I enjoyed Banjo-Tooie. The exploration, platforming, and charm all offer something you just don't get in games these days. My only question is why they felt the need to add in so many unnecessary additions to the point where it doesn't even feel like a Banjo-kazooie game.

On the left: Banjo-Tooie. On the right: Banjo-kazooie

Why Uncharted 2 is mediocre at best

Uncharted review follow-up

While playing Uncharted 2, I couldn't help but notice that the entire's game setup felt linear and rigid, like I was being dragged along by the nose to see all the pretty sights that the development studio had so heavily invested in. And the whole time, all I could think to myself was, “okay. This is fun. I guess”. All of the enjoyment seemed to be very bland and structured and it reminded me of those people who get upset if you touch anything in their house when you come to visit. The platforming felt very limited and structured and the gunplay was functional at best. Yet whenever I look up reviews about this game, I see it hailed as one of the darlings of this console generation. Why is that? Have we gotten so used to mediocrity that anything that is slightly above average is considered a masterpiece? As a whole, I feel like Uncharted 2 is mostly a weak third person action game with awkward platforming sections and uninspired puzzle sections.

Equipping it...now.

First of all, let's take the story, which I can best describe as some smug douche looking for treasure. I fail to see how that son-of-a-bitch Drake has any kind of charisma whatsoever. Honestly, he acts like that jock from high school who bullied you every day and then made off with your girlfriend. Not only that, a lot of his humor and comments come across as just overall uninteresting. There is almost nothing about him that I can vividly remember either liking or thinking, “golly, your awesome”. He just seemed so generic. The rest of the cast is like this too. It's like someone sat down, watched a bunch of action movies and decided that the best thing to do would be to is to take characters from here and there to fill up the game. Even Chloe, who I feel is the most likeable character, easily rolls over into the generic train. Not only that, but I was so tempted to call bullshit at the very end of the game for how contrived the game's ending felt. Furthermore, the way the story is presented does this game no favors. While I understand that cutscenes are now often used as a means to present a story, they feel like they were placed here deliberately to invoke the feel of a movie rather than a game. It's bogged down even further by it's incessant need to feel cinematic to the point of following a three-act structure. As a result, I felt like I hardly knew anything about Drake. He was uninteresting and shallow, having about as much personality as Gordon Freeman. He did things, but you could have just as easily put anyone else in his place and gotten the same job accomplished.

Sums him up fairly well.

Now, I'm sure many of you are thinking, “it's the gameplay that counts dur-hur.” Well, it would if it was any good. At best, Uncharted is a generic and dull cover-based shooter with some of the most awkward and forced jumping mechanics I've ever seen in a game. Simply put, the gunplay feels unsatisfying. While playing, I always dreaded the shooting sections which were often limited to waiting for enemies to poke their heads out or to some incredibly cramped corridors. As a result, I often found myself dying or throwing myself into the midst of battle because I felt that waiting like a duck for the next enemy to show his head was a fate worse than death. Even the guns themselves felt unsatisfying to use. None of them felt like they had a particularly satisfying punch to them. It was actually kind of sad that the most satisfying part of the gameplay was running up behind a guy and taking him out with a silent takedown. Speaking of which, the game has a few stealth sections which I can only define as retarded seeing as how the A.I. in these sections is pathetic.

The platforming is also another big weakness for the game that it just can't overcome. The main issue is how punishing it is for so much as deviating from the developer's main path. There were several times where I would try to jump to a specific location only to fall for my death because I didn't do what they wanted to do. This also extends to the puzzles, where you're given a notebook that straight-up tells you the solution, regardless of how difficult or simple they are. It all feels so patronizing, as if the developer were afraid of you breaking their precious toys that they feel the need to remove any sense of freedom. The worst part about it is that if you begin to take too long, Drake himself will tell you what to do and where to go.

This game's opinion of you in a nutshell.

Many will argue against me saying that the set pieces more than make up for th game's faults and to be honest, I have to disagree with them. They feel more like a cheap cop out as opposed to fully featured levels in an action game. This really has more to do with the games mechanics though, seeing as how a game is part level design and part gameplay. And if it falls in one area, it's only natural that it's either going to be greater as a result or be dragged down as a whole, and in this case it's the latter. In the end, what I say really doesn't matter though, because I know for a fact that people will love this game just because it looks pretty or because it's a fucking movie. At the end of the day, I guess some people would rather have a game that railroads them from one place to another as opposed to a carefully constructed experience that had some fucking thought put into it.

Which reminds me...

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves review

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves Review

Whenever I hear the phrase “cinematic” when used to refer to a game, the first thing I think of is cutscene riddled shit that covers the screen and makes me want to kill every member of the fucking development team for being so fucking stupid and pretentious.

Here's looking at you, kid...

And then there are games like Uncharted, which feature the similarly mentioned “cinematic” malarkey but have just enough gameplay to were it's tolerable but ultimately ends up dragging down the rest of the experience.

The game stars Nathan Drake, wise-cracking, Hollywood hero number 396,000 who goes with plucky sidekick to find...you know-what, just go and watch any one of the first three Indiana Jones movies. If you're already familiar with them, that pretty much sums up the entirety of the plot of Uncharted. It's your basic adventure movie plot featuring all of the standard character types. If it sounds like I'm being unenthusiastic, it's because none of the characters have anything major that separates them from stuff we've already seen before. Are they entertaining to watch and well-performed? Most definitely. The problem these leads to, however, is that it results in them coming across as incredibly forgettable.

Seriously, this is more interesting at times

Mind you, probably the most interesting character was the villain, Lazarevic, whose every scene is pure gold for how he eats up the scenery with his mere presence.

“I AM SURROUNDED BY TRAITORS AND FOOLS!!”

Gameplay on the other hand fares much better. The gunplay is your standard cover-based shooting mechanics, running behind walls, and then popping enemies when they reappear. It's functional overall, though it can get especially tiresome after awhile. The real star of the show, however, is the presence of the platforming sections. These sections can involve anything from jumping from truck to truck while under enemy fire, to escaping from the burning wreckage of a train. All-in-all, as much as I may find the gunplay to be tedious and uninteresting, the set pieces easily dominated the game in terms of enjoyment.

Screenshots don't do it justice.

The game's pacing is also done incredibly well. Whereas many games within this genre feel the need to hammer in set piece after set piece, this game really isn't afraid to let you wind down after some of the more action heavy scenes, whether it be in the form of a puzzle, a platforming section in a calming environment, or petting a yak. It all helps to make a fluid and fun experience.

Embrace your inner yak.

Having said that, there is still one major problem I have with this game and that ties back directly into the story: a video game is not the same thing as a movie. This is especially evident in the way that enemies just seem to appear in every specific patterns and clusters in areas, which would make sense if it were a movie, but here it feels a bit out of place. Furthermore, the way the events go along is at a very limited pace preventing proper characterization from ever occurring. Finally, the game is just scared of you getting distracted. Several times throughout my experience I felt like I was being railroaded along, even when it came time to allow for more freedom such as in the aforementioned puzzle sections. It got so bad to the point where the game would literally tell me what to do if I was taking too along. Near the end, I had one puzzle telling me to turn the godforsaken bell right as I was in the middle of turning the fucking thing because the game was afraid I had dozed off for more than five seconds or because, I was using my goddamn brain!

What Naughty Dog thinks of you

In the end, the best description I can give is flawed, but enjoyable. The game suffers from wanting to be a movie and a simplified challenge, but at the end of the day, it's just fun. Definitely worth picking up if you want something exciting play, though I can't guarantee the story or characters themselves will be too memorable.

Post E3 roundup! Crap games edition!

Continuing on from mt last post, E3 always has as much good, as it does bad and as a result gives me something to compl-I mean, judge. So, we begin with the games that have so far brought me to near tears. We can think of it as a nice counter-balance to the endless gushing I gave all the other games!

Sad monkey is REALLY sad now.

Release Date: N/A

Publisher: Microsoft Studios

Developer: Double Helix Games

I loved the Killer Instinct games growing up. I loved them like a brother. Next to Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat, these games were instrumental in shaping my love of gaming. So when they finally announced one for the XboxOne, I thought that would be amazing. If there were ever a time to bring back this classic franchise it would definitely be...now? That's interesting, Rare isn't making it. Well, in that case I'm sure they got a studio that's experienced in making high quality...so you got the guys behind the Green Lantern and Battleship tie-in games. THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!! I swear to god, Microsoft, how is that a good idea?!

I'm pretty sure you could've done better than FUCKING this!!

Ugh...Well, no use changing it now. Though there are quite a few rumors going around about it being a free-to-play where characters must be bought, I feel that more information must be given before I decide if disappointment is just. As for Rare, well...they've made worse decisions.

Why Rare? Why?

NEXT:

Release Date: November 2013

Publisher: Microsoft Studios

Developer: Crytek

First announced as an Xbox 360-exclusive with Kinect support, Ryse was looking to be an intriguing title, especially when compared to the majority of the casual-fare that the rest of the peripheral was prone to getting. In some ways, it even looked like a worthy competitor to the Wii's own hardcore, first-person hack-n-slash, Red Steel 2.

This game fucking rocks!!!

So naturally, I was surprised when I hadn't heard anything about it in over two years in regards to its release. Imagine my surprise when it shows up again, only to be covered in quick-time events! Any excitement that may have been showcased by the original video where it was you in first-person facing off against the Roman army is gone and instead replaced with this:

It's hideous!!!!

Now, this has worked before. Asura's Wrath and Heavy Rain were both filled to the brim with quicktime events but made up for it by being able to fail. In this case, they're only here to give a false feeling of dominance to the player as he effortlessly sits back and watches his onscreen avatar mow down his enemies while the big FUCKING X COMES ON SCREEN! It makes me wonder if developers have really started to believe that their audience is a bunch of twelve year old boys.

So hardcore...

Which reminds me of:

Release Date: November 2013

Publisher: Microsoft Studios

Developer: Capcom Vancouver

I haven't actually played any of the previous Dead Rising games, so my knowledge of the franchise is highly limited. That doesn't mean they haven't held my interest, however. The idea of murdering tons of zombies while exploring an overrun mall is of course barrels of fun. So when I heard that Dead Rising 3 was in development for next-gen consoles, I was thrilled! Then I saw it. Oh god, I saw it.

My look when I saw the game

My only question was why? Why the hell did you turn a series that takes the pure schadenfreude of mass killings and turn it into an “edgy” brown and gritty action game with a gloomy protagonist and a wangst-filled atmosphere? Oh, it was done to appeal to Call of Duty fans. While I understand that it had been done as a means to appeal to a wider audience, this is definitely not the way to go. On the contrary, you're at risk of alienating fans of previous games in the franchise and in some cases end up losing out to this so-called “new audience” that wasn't even interested in your game in the first place!

Reference Point A

I know that I can't change a developer's plans to heavily alter a franchise but at the very least you could remember what your fans liked.

Release Date: Nov. 5, 2013

Publisher: Activision

Developer: Infinity Ward

Alright, alright, before I begin let me rephrase that I don't hate Call of Duty, just Activision. Now then, my first question is, why? The Call of Duty franchise has had a yearly release beginning in 2007 with the release of Modern Warfare and now Ghosts is announced claiming a constant running speed at 60 fps, dynamic AI, and high-quality graphical detail as the newest things it brings to the table. That would be all fine and dandy if other games hadn't already been doing this for the past several years, especially in terms of the PC gaming crowd.

Next year, we're adding two new breeds along with 20 more maps!

Release Date: December 2013

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Nintendo EAD Tokyo

I'm not even going to bother coming up with anything qitty this time. Just fucking stop it, Nintendo. While I may have complained about Call of Duty doing the same thing every year and praised DKCTF for not changing much, at the very least the situations are different. At the very least the levels and aesthetics look different. When I saw the first level here, I had no idea that this was a new game. It looks almost exactly the same as Super Mario 3D Land. Not only that, but it seems the best they could do in terms of new was cat suits.

Cat suits?! FUCKING REALLY!?

I like cats as much as the next guy but in all honesty, what happened? There was a point where every single new Mario game would evolve off of the aesthetics and innovations of the previous titles. Here, it seems like Nintendo just decided to go ahead and throw in the towel. It seems like the Galaxy games were the franchise peaking and now all they can do is wallow and wait for inspiration to strike. I hope that one day another Mario title like Galaxy will be released, but until then, I guess we'll just have to feast on Nintendo's run off.

No new ideas make bear cry.

So there you have it, my top and bottom 5 of E3. If you didn't see your favorite game on here it could be for any number of reasons, either I didn't care enough or I didn't see enough of it to truly care about it. In any sense, I shall leave you until next week, when I return with another review to showcase!

E3 2013: The Good

Now that E3's actually come and gone and I've gotten a real chance to take in and analyze some of the material that has come out of the show, I've decided that I shall now begin with my first ever annual E3 hype list and my annual E3 why-did-you-even-bother list!! It gives me a chance to hype over what I feel has a chance to come and truly impress me and I what I feel will make me a sad monkey.

This is the face of true sorrow

So now that we have that out of the way, let's start off with those games that are looking to bring me joy over the next few years, starting with:

Release Date: 2014 (tentative)

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Sora Ltd./Namco Bandai Games

Just like Brawl before it, my excitement for this game cannot be contained. Not only is the game shaping up to be one of the big titles of 2014, it's also looking to be one of the most robust offerings Nintendo has had in a while. The veteran brawlers are looking great in their glossy HD revivals, and the newcomers are definitely offering something new in terms of gameplay.

Though some additions are a little...off...

Either way, the franchise hasn't let me down when it comes to pure schadenfreude so what the hell, let's see what this one brings to the table.

Next up is:

Release Date: Oct. 25, 2013

Publisher: Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment

Developer: Warner Bros. Montreal

Well, this was a shocker wasn't it? Another Batman game?! Bet you never saw that one coming?!

In all honesty, I'm looking forward to this one. More Batman is rarely ever a bad thing.

Unless it's this...thing...

Furthermore, even though the previous studio is no longer working on it, the fact remains that many of the strong points that came along with Arkham City are thankfully being brought over. The combat still looks fluid and efficient, and traveling across Gotham is still as much fun as it was before. Plus, several of the villains from the franchise's history are making a return, though a few have been redesigned.

Gaze upon the manliness of a luchador

At the same time, however, several of the characters have been recast, most notably the Joker and the titular Bat. Joker still sounds like typical nutjob persona made famous by Mark Hamill so I have no problem with that, but Batman sounds a little too much like his Christopher Nolan incarnation.

SWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR TO MEEEEEE!!!!!

Other than that, it's definitely looking up and I'm looking forward to getting to fly around as everyone's favorite rich man in a bat costume.

Release Date: 2014

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Platinum Games

First order of business, if you complained about this game being a Wii U exclusive, kindly get the fuck out of here because I don't wanna hear any of that shit. Now that that's settled, THIS GAME LOOKS FUCKING AMAZING!!!!

The original was one of the most fun experiences ever to be had and I can safely call it one of my favorite games. Gameplay-wise not much has changed but then again does it really have to? Touchscreen controls have been implemented but they're not restricting to the hardcore audience. Everything is there that needs to be there and what's new only serves to add to the intrigue. Why do Bayonetta and Jeanne have different hair styles? Why are demons enemies along with angels?

THIS GAME CAN'T COME OUT SOON ENOUGH!!!!!

Release Date: 2014

Publisher: Bethesda Softworks

Developer: Tango Gameworks

Now this looks like something I wanna play...in a bright room...with other people...

I don't care if you think I'm a pussy :(

But yeah, this game looks horrifying...in a good way. With recent franchises taking a turn for the action route, it's refreshing to see a horror game actually focus on atmosphere and survival as opposed to simply making enemies that have strange anatomy. The environment is also incredibly well-developed, to the point where I felt like staying in one place for too long would be bad for my health.

Like this only more infectious

It's terrifying to say the least. Further cementing this as one to watch for is the fact that Resident Evil director Shinji Mikami is at the helm of this project so it definitely looks like something I'd like.

Release Date: November 2013

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Retro Studios

Our God is an awesome God!!!!

I grew up with Donkey Kong, so when Donkey Kong Country Returns was announced back in 2010 for the Wii, I almost lost my shit. When DKCTF was announced this year, I was beyond ecstatic. I finally have a reason to buy a Wii U. It may not look like much of a change from the one on the Wii but honestly, does it have to?

The gameplay is still just as tight as before. The levels have even more detail crammed into them, with the addition of a dynamic camera to show it all off. On a final note, I'm glad to see the tikis getting shelved for a more personality-filled group of vikings, though what they want a monkey's bananas for I can scarcely fathom.

Probably as offerings for their techno-viking god

So in the end, it's safe to call this E3 standard at best, stagnant at worst. Most of the games I'm looking forward to can best be described as basic. Not bad, but not going out of their way to do anything genre-defying. Still in the end, that makes me happy and isn't a happy monkey all that really counts?

Yes. Yes it does.

Now, join me tomorrow when I talk about the 5 games that either failed to impress me or have a better chance at finding bigfoot than being halfway decent.